What Kind of Doula Role is Right for You?
What Kind of Doula Role is Right for You?
Twenty years ago, few people knew what the word "doula" meant.
Now, most people have heard at least heard of birth, postpartum, or death doulas. But did you know there are over 20 different doula roles? There are doulas for divorce, surgery, fertility, gender transition, cancer, adoption, dementia, pet loss, menopause, and so much more. (I write about all of them in my book here.)
What do all these types of doulas have in common?
And which is the one for you? Let's find out!
Are All Doulas the Same?
Doula roles vary widely based on who they are serving, what challenging life situation they are supporting, where they work, their hours, and the unique type of support they offer. But the core doula role is unchanged despite these variables.
You may question the truth of that
so let me share a little story...
I’d been a birth doula for 10 years and was attending a death doula training.
Those are two experiences at very opposite ends of the spectrum, right?
In the first hour, I shouted out, “That’s what we do in labor!”
By noon, I had shared, “That’s just like at birth!” “That’s just like being a birth doula!”
By the end of the day, I had repeated those phrases so many times I knew I was annoying everyone and would need to shut up.
But in my head for the next 3 days, that was my refrain: “It’s just like being a birth doula!”
The Core Essence of Being a Doula
The core essence of being a doula is to be of service to people in a significant—often emotionally charged or physically challenging—life experience.
Think back to a life challenge you experienced that didn’t end up so well. This is where many doulas start: wanting to help others prevent what they went through.
Imagine what that experience might have been like if you had a doula. At every turn where you felt unsure, unknowing, afraid, or pressured, someone would have been there to help you get what you needed. They couldn’t have turned back the hands of time or done anything super-human, but you would have had someone on your team. You wouldn't have been alone.
That is the most critical component of the doula role: making sure your client doesn't feel alone in their experience.
What Is (and Isn't) a Doula's Responsibility?
DO ▶️
✔️ Doulas provide information, guidance, emotional support, advocacy, and hands-on or in-person support to clients.
✔️ They are familiar with their field of work, such as hospital protocols, court room procedures, medical terminology, laws, or common treatments.
✔️ They meet with clients in advance to get to know them, learn about their desires and concerns, share ideas, and develop plans.
✔️ They accompany clients to challenging events, visits, appointments, or appearances; here, they help clients speak up for themselves, advocate for their clients wishes, explain what's going on, help clients get information for decision-making, and offer ideas and alternative options.
✔️ They meet with clients after the events to debrief the experience, process emotions, and integrate learnings.
DON'T ▶️
❌ Doulas don't provide clinical or technical services, like a doctor, nurse, lawyer, or veterinarian would.
❌ They don't prescribe, recommend, direct, or tell clients what to do.
❌ They don't insert their own opinions or choices into a conversation.
When I train doulas, they often ask, “But isn’t my job to tell people about my experience, to prevent from making the same mistakes I made? I want to save them from having a bad experience or outcome.”
And my response is always, “Your job is not to protect people from walking their own path. It’s their journey. Who are you to dictate what that journey looks like? Your job is simply to support and witness them along the way.”
Doulas don’t tell people what to do — or even how to do it — they help them find their own way.
So, how do doulas do that?
The Core Principles of Being a Doula
There's clearly a big difference between birth and death, or divorce and cancer. How can a doula's skills be useful in all those situations?
Doulas recognize that any emotionally or physically challenging life situation is a rite of passage that has the potential to change a person emotionally, physically, and spiritually after they emerge from the experience.
Doulas recognize the inherent autonomy and respect that all people deserve when going through a challenging experience.
Doulas acknowledge that existing systems that people must engage with (health care, courts, elder care, families) do not serve all the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of people going through the experience.
Doulas understand the intersection of racial and social oppression within systems and how those factors impact experiences and outcomes for marginalized people.
Doulas believe that people are innately capable of navigating challenging situations and know that compassion, preparation, support, and being seen make challenges more doable.
Doulas see themselves as a bridge or stop-gap measure to provide holistic support to their clients on their individual journey, while making efforts to improve the systems that are not meeting people’s needs.
Doulas understand significant experiences are a transformative journey that can have lifelong impacts and knowing how to guide a person through that transformation and the integration period afterward.
Wow, That's a Lot
When you look at the doula role from the perspective of one who provides guidance through a period of transformation, you may be thinking, “Wow, that’s a lot. That’s heavy.”
Yes, it is. And that’s what makes doulas so necessary in the world today. I often say:
“The doula role is the most profound and nuanced profession no one understands.”
The Exquisitely Unique Skills of the Doula
Doulas are able to uphold those core principles with a unique set of skills that, when combined together, form the exquisitely nuanced role of the doula. Here they are:
- Emptying their cup of their own ideas of how the experience should go
- Developing communication skills, especially how to ask open-ended questions, listen deeply, and observe with curiosity
- Getting familiar with their client, what’s important to them, and their specific desires and concerns
- Using interpersonal skills to support the relationships between your client, their chosen support people, the professional staff, and the doula
- Translating their client’s past experiences into what could be helpful for the new journey ahead (for example, taking what they learned from being in grad school to how to prepare for birth)
- Being emotionally and physically open and present for their clients
- Accessing intuitive skills, specifically how to “read” a room, notice shifting energy, and watch what is unfolding around them
- Knowing about the physiological or emotional processes involved in their field of work
- Knowing about the medical or legal systems they will encounter
- Knowing of comfort measures and strategies for coping with physical or emotional pain
- Knowing about options for care or services available to their clients
- Knowing relaxation and stress-relieving tools for themselves and their clients
- Keeping their personal stories and opinions to themselves
- Sharing allegorical stories as a means to educate and offer options
- Advocating for people in a way that doesn’t take away their power
- Asking for consent before offering ideas or an intervention
- Networking and accessing resources for information, family support, and community services
- Being trauma-informed
- Being diplomatic while changing the world
Do I Have to Be an Expert?
I’m often asked if you have to be an expert in the field in which you practice. No, you don't.
You just need all those magic doula skills and apply them to being of service in any challenging experience people face: miscarriage, INFERTILITY, abortion, ADOPTION, death, marriage or wedding planning, DIVORCE, surgery, cancer care, psychedelic journeys...the list goes on and on.
With those core principles and some specific skills, you can be a doula for anything!
Remember, you don’t need to know it all...just a little bit more than your client about the systems they’ll interact with, the emotional process most people experience, the physical processes they can expect, and the spiritual impact this experience may have. If you’ve already gone through the experience yourself, you’re probably there.
How Do I Get Trained to Be a Doula?
Before you train to be a doula, find out what kind of doula role you are best suited for. My book, So You Want to Be a Doula, compares 26 different doula roles, and guides you through an interest assessment, lifestyle inventory, and the Doula-bility Calculator to find the perfect doula role for you.
Once you know what kind of doula you want to be, you can look for a formal doula training in your field of interest, such as death or birth doula training. Simply do an internet search for the doula role you are interested in, your location if you want an in-person training, or specify "online" if that's what you are looking for (like my online birth doula training here).
If you really want to understand all your doula training options, the major differences between various doula trainings, and which type of training will work best for you, I offer guidelines, assessment tools, and ranking sheets in my book, So You Want to Be a Doula.
In a formal training, you will learn detailed information about the life event you support, as well as doula skills. But some fields don't have a formal doula training available. That's why I offer All Doulas Training: Essential Skills for Any Type of Doula. If you already have a lot of experience in your field and just need to learn the doula skills, All Doulas Training is perfect for you.
If you are already learning about your field, reading books, watching copious numbers of videos on YouTube, listening to podcasts with experts in your area of interest, or have your own in-depth experience, learning the doula skills may be all you need. You can also ask an established doula to mentor you.
And if you already work in your area of interest in a professional role, adding on doula skills can take your work to a whole new level or help you launch an independent career.
Being a doula is one of the most rewarding jobs in the world, but it’s more than a job… it’s an identity, a calling, an act of service. It’s also an entirely unique role because so few people really know what a doula is, much less what they do.
Get So You Want to Be a Doula: The Indispensible Guide to Match You to Your Perfect Doula Career to step on the path to being a doula with knowledge, confidence, and tools to get you started.
Are you thinking about becoming a birth doula? I have the most affordable, comprehensive, and accessible online birth doula training around. For only $197 you can learn to be a birth doula starting immediately.
Curious about becoming another type of doula? All Doulas Training: Essential Skills for Any Type of Doula will get you started if you are new to a field, or be the perfect complement of skills to the work you are already doing.
